no, he came in my armpit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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