I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's blow job season.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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