just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
