what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
