i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
