This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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