guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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