her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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