she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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