2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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