There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
