We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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