watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
