id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
