My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
