I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
