Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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