just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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