walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
