I met the friendliest cop last night
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
