My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
