party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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