why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
