Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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