Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
