walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
