why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
