...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize