Please, let me fuck your mom
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
