I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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