dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
