We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
