JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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