I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
