i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
