im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
