Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
