I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
