Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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