Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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