so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
