Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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