im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
