we're chasing vodka with high fives
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
