i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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