he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
