dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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