can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
