I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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