Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
