No awkward lesbian experiences without me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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