Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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