but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
