I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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