You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
operation have a gay friend backfired
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
