I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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