Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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