Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
