i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
