And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
