a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
