You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
