Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We left the knife in your bed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
