Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
