I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
