By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
