Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize