how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize