either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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