Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Im part way to drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
