Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
