she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
