she woke up with a sticky ear
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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