My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
