how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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